Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
