I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
