we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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