How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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