Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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