My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
