god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
