Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
