you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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