My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
