fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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