We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
