I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
