$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
