I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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