Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Jerry, you need to find god
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
