it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
