Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
