I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize