The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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