those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize