Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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