yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
