Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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