Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
