So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
