i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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