Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize