i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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