We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
