This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your cock deserves a montage
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
