just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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