We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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