DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
