I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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