Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize