There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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