Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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