I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
