Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
