yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
