I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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