oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize