Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
