the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
