i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
