I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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