Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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