her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
