Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
