OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
