Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
