well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
