Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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