Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
