birth control should be required to get into college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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