I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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