You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
