1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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