his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
