So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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