Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
