her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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