alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
