If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize