She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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