guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
