dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
