I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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