I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
