this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
