She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize