I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
