Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
