conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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