I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Me too!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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