Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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