The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize