Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
