So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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