if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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